I’ve been making chocolate cake batter smoothies and carrot cake smoothies all week.  And today I made a hybrid all my own.  Omg.

• 5 ish Ice Cubes
• 1 banana
• 1/2 c Oatmeal
• 1 t cinnamon
• 3 drops Liquid Vanilla Stevia
• 1/4 c Grated Carrot
• 1 scoop Vanilla Protein Powder
• 1 T Carob Powder
• 1 c Milk (I use rice) or Double Chocolate Yerba Mate’ (for energy!)

I didn’t even taste this til I was out the door with it in hand (which is the exact reason I do smoothies so often, I can enjoy them on the go!)  Had no idea if it would be gross or amazing.  Turns out it was completely amazing.  Grating carrots can be a bitch but I just stick em in the food processor at the beginning of the week and have them in the fridge ready to go.  Liquid stevia and carob powder both run about 5 bucks but last forever and are nice alternatives to chocolate and sugar.  I also brew a whole pitcher of yerba mate’ once a week for smoothies.  This stuff may seem like a lot of work but I spend about 5 minutes doing smoothie prep for the week and another 5 every time I have one.  5 minutes is for sure an amount of time I’m willing to spend making sure I’m eating something good.  And, let’s be real, it takes LONGER than 5 minutes to hit up the drive thru!

Enjoy!

Mama

Most women I come across have a weight ideal somewhere between 120 and 150 depending on their body type and height.  Some just want to feel healthy and strong.  Some want muscle definition.  Some want to be soft with a flat stomach.  But regardless of your aesthetic goals you have to be realistic about what you are willing to do to get there.  Sure it would be awesome to keep your lifestyle exactly as it is, order your dream body out of a catalogue (or a pill) and have that delivered to you.  But as this isn’t the case, for me a happy weight is exactly that.  Where you are happy.

For the average gal to get washboard abs would require a lot of time spent exercising and a super clean diet.  I’m not saying you can’t be happy doing those things.  In fact doing those things actually does make for a happy person, endorphins and proper nutrition does a lot for your mood!  But if you aren’t willing to do all of that, maybe you’re more in the daily walks and getting some veggies in mode, I think that’s okay too.  And if that’s the case then maybe your “happy weight” is not the number you initially had in mind or at least not yet.

For me, when I started my “fitness journey” I had a number in mind for the scale.  I began with focusing on 5lbs at a time, but when I got smaller and smaller I got kind of addicted to the scale.  It was so fun watching the numbers go down, but was equally discouraging when it didn’t budge.  And then I had this elusive number in mind that I hit once.  Probably after taking a shit and before drinking water for the day.  It has never happened again.  My “happy weight” for me is about 5-10lbs above that number.  And it’s based on the number my scale usually lands at when I’m hitting it hard at the gym (which I’m totally into), seeing strength gains (which makes me super happy), running fast (like a bad ass) and eating 80% clean.

My goals may change.  I never rule anything out, so perhaps one day I will set my sights on a figure competition, or just revealing the abs I know are under this slight “protective coating” I’ve got going on.  But for now, as long as I’m feeling strong and healthy, I’m happy with my weight.  The last 10lbs (down 5 if you’re following) is just to get back to my happy place.  I know I could be faster and stronger, and that I feel better when I am, so I’m working back there.  My current “happy weight” doesn’t involve a six pack, and isn’t based on what I weighed before puberty or what I read Cameron Diaz weighs.  It’s all about the happy.  Not about the fantasy number.

I hope this doesn’t come across as asking you to settle.  If you are set on complete transformation and ever shrinking, or need to lose weight for health reasons– go get that shit girl!  But consider that whatever you do to get there has to be things that make you happy or they won’t stick.  And they have to be things you are willing to do- well, always.

Set some goals.  Set goals that meeting will make you proud.  Walk or run your first 5k.  Eat more spinach.  Try some healthier recipes out on your family.  Notice how these changes make you feel and keep going.  And then just see what happens with your body.  You happy weight might even be smaller than you initially had in mind, and it may be higher.  (And it may be higher while you are actually much smaller).

So while you are striving to be the best you, please shoot for the best you that will make you happy.  I promise hardly eating doesn’t result in lasting weight loss (esp bc you’ll be losing muscle which isn’t probably the cute you’re going for) and it certainly doesn’t result in happy.  Catch me on a day I’ve been a poor care taker of my body and rushed around so much I didn’t eat and you will meet one unhappy bitch.

A happy weight is just that, a weight that makes you happy.  Numbers can sometimes help give you focus, but health and happiness are what sustain you.  Not being 120lbs.  (Or whatever).

Figure out your happy.  And worry most of all about happy.

xoxo,

Mama

The trouble with going on a “strict diet” is that you start to feel like you are missing out on things.  You’re sitting with your perfectly lovely salad and drooling over your homie’s fried steak burger.  Don’t do this to yourself.

That said, you have to keep your goals in mind.  If you are trying to train for a figure competition, now is not the time to indulge.  But the way that I keep my indulgences from going over board is by indulging WELL.  I’m talkin- screw the microwave meal, the kind of stale cookies, the last bites of my kid’s mac n cheese.  Bring me the super good stuff.

If you are going to do it, plan it, do it within reason, and do it right.  This kind of occasional splurge keeps me from losing sight of my goals and from feeling like everyone else gets to eat cake and not me.

This also plays into my finances well, because eating produce and a largely vegetarian diet (I don’t advocate vegetarianism regarding this as a personal choice) is pretty damn inexpensive. And meat eater or no, eating a vegetarian meal with a plant based protein is good for your pocketbook and your body.  So while you are saving money, if you are going to splurge you might as well actually do it.

Which brings me to a lovely splurge give away.  Ghirardelli sent me some of their new chocolates from their extra splurgy delicious line.

If you want to make one your special splurge of the moment.  Hit me up in the comments, tell me about how you indulge and I’ll select a winner at random Friday February  3 and I’ll send you some delicious.  Because I believe in doing your squats, eating your greens and sometimes eating the damn chocolate.  And on those occasions, doing it right!

Xoxo, Erin

Goals are so important.  “Workout more” is not a good goal.  Because it doesn’t really mean anything.  A good goal needs to be realistic and concrete.  I have my half marathon plan which I’m starting next week, doing sprint intervals and hills for short runs and steady state once a week for long runs.  For cross training days I will be doing circuit style, total body weight lifting.  And once a week I teach boot camp which is all high intensity interval calisthenics.  I also do 15-60 minutes of yoga throughout the day for stress, stretching sore muscles, waking up and winding down before bed.

Woah, Mama!  You lost me with all that shit.

Well in fairness, this is the level of activity that makes me happy.  90lbs ago I would’ve laughed at that last statement.  And pre-Mommyhood I would’ve told you I was way too busy for that.  But if it’s a priority, you will make it happen.  I have two jobs and very little child care.  And I get it in.

That said, you don’t have to do all of that.  So where should you begin?

Some of my favorite, free (to almost free) workouts are as follows:

1) Bodyrock.tv  – this is a website that posts free workouts almost daily.  They look super intense and hard (because they are) but they are totally modifiable.  So don’t run away at the sight of all the amazing abs, watch the videos and wait til the end when they show beginner modifications.  It’s really, really great stuff.

2) 30 day shred – this is a Jillian Micheals dvd you can find at Target for about 9 bucks and less on ebay.  They are 20 minute workouts that can be done with 5lb dumbbells.  The idea is to use it as a 30 day program (there are 3 levels, 3 workouts to work up to).  It’s tough and will make you feel strong as you see improvements in your performance.

3) Running!  It took me forever to call myself a runner.  I was of the “run when chased” variety when I started.  A friend showed me this training plan in a magazine and I thought I’d give it a shot.  It starts with one minute of running.  That minute took me a whole week to be able to do.  Same year I ran my first half marathon.  You can run.

4) Library dvds – the library has a ton of workout dvds.  And I live in small town Kansas.  I don’t do a ton of home workouts anymore (I kind of love the gym) but when I did I just rotated those bad boys.  Belly dancing one day, dirty dancing choreography the next.  Kept me moving.  Half priced books is another good resource.

5) bodybuilding.com – This website is a great resource for training plans and nutrition tips.  Don’t shy away because you don’t want to look like a body builder.  They know their stuff.

Pick something.  Let your plan freak you out a little bit.  If you aren’t uncomfortable you probably aren’t growing. And then do it!  Every damn day (except for at least one rest day a week).  If what you pick is challenging in a way that you find discouraging – keep at it.  Consider that a starting point that gives you lots of room for improvement.

Making exercise a part of your life isn’t hard, you just have to do it.   Decide it’s important and follow through.  You can do this.  Decide you are important enough to do it for.

Lose it with me!  Mama

If you all are interested in how I got to a point where I want/need to lose 10lbs let me know as I’d be happy to post about that.  But I kind of figured we all know how to gain weight, so I’d just start with the losing stuff.

First of all, while 10lbs is a reasonable goal, I know that isn’t motivation enough for me.  So I have to set some concrete fitness goals to get there.  So I’m going to start running again.  And I found a half marathon in April (OZ marathon, Olathe, KS) which is about 14 weeks out.

A great place to start with a weight loss goal is to find another goal to help you get there.  Scales are assholes and it’s really important to set a goal that isn’t determined entirely by a heartless number machine.  If you are brand spankin new, finding a 5k to walk/trot/whatever would be great.  Plus real life finish lines feel sooo good and therapeutic.

Now you need a training plan.  I’m following this one. I’ll be starting this the final week of January.  A quick google search will find you any kind of plan you are looking for.

Next you need a food plan.  For simplicity I’m starting with two green monsters a day.  Snacks of plain greek yogurt with frozen berries and raw almonds.  And one healthy meal a day.  I will post the recipes I’m using on Facebook.  But you can also follow me on pinterest for recipe ideas. *Note not all of my recipes pinned are healthy, a girl’s gotta have a cookie sometimes too.*

I will keep you posted as to my progress and answer any questions you have as we go along.  If you are joining me, let me know!

So I post this video on my personal page, which was then reposted to bodyrock.tv’s Facebook page and shit went crazy.  The girl in the video is an incredibly articulate 13 year old virgin (on youtube she says she realizes it’s an odd topic for her to be into as she is both 13 and a virgin.)  She is talking about slut shaming (women slamming other women for wearing skimpy clothes, having sex for pleasure or being rumored to have done so.)  She then links this behavior to being part of a larger problem in which we are systematically taught that sex is about men’s pleasure and that rape is caused by women’s promiscuity.

This is where things go bonkers.  You can see the comments here.

Grown ups, mostly women went crazy on the comment section about how deplorable it is for a 13 year old to even know what sex is.  Many voice their thoughts about the young girl’s probable sexual exploits (which pretty much proves her point).  And there are others who call her a silly know it all teenager who will “come to her senses” about this kind of thing when she’s more mature.

Come to her senses?!  So she will finally come around and realize that women who enjoy sex are filthy and should be hated.  She will also either agree that these filthy sex loving women cause rape or will no longer see the correlation between this nasty attitude toward other womens’ sexuality and our blame the victim attitudes toward rape in society.

I really need a whole book to cover the multitude of errors here.  The notion that pubescent youth aren’t thinking about or talking about sex ever is naive to say the least.  Regardless of what you plan to teach your children about sexuality, I do hope you realize that if you aren’t saying anything puberty is definitely a time they will be seeking some answers to their new feelings somewhere.  But as this girl is a virgin– lets please not blow up the comment section here about her inappropriate sexual appetite.  Thanks.

As a mother of a young girl, a victim of sexual assault and as a woman I am saddened by this deeply rooted hatred many women have for themselves, other women and their own bodies.  This is a short jump from the now infamous Victoria’s Secret post.

We hate our bodies = we hate other women’s bodies.

We are afraid of our own sexuality = we are terrified of other women’s sexuality.

We feel insecure that we aren’t measuring up to one ideal or another = we bash anyone who may be meeting that ideal more than us.

We call women who enjoy sex or express their sexuality in a different way than we ourselves would choose, sluts.  We call them filthy and immoral = we support the notion that this behavior is what somehow leads to sexual violence against women.

WE DON’T LIKE OURSELVES = WE DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER

To be clear I think the notion of waiting til marriage for sex is a beautiful thing.  If you plan to teach this to your children that is wonderful.  But regardless of what moral code you have for your own behavior, I would hope that same moral code would dictate respectful treatment of others.  And that the discourse in your household might include topics like respecting those who make different choices.

That said, women are sexual creatures.  Humans are sexual creatures.  I think it’s completely awesome if you dress conservatively and save yourself for marriage.  I think it’s awesome if you wear short skirts and enjoy sex.  And all the other possible combinations.  However you choose to express your sexuality that feels good to you, really has no impact on me.

But nooooo… not us gals.  We can’t seem to stop finding every reason under the sun to be insulted by one another’s existence.  This just adds to the list.

Too fat.  Too skinny.  Too promiscuous.  Too slutty looking.  Too outspoken.  Too bitchy.  Too muscular.  Too ugly.

A short list of the things we routinely call each other, mostly based on appearance and assumption.  Hell, a short list of things I’ve been called.  And at what cost?  We are so consumed with how we are “supposed” to look, be and behave that we must pick each other a part as well.  We pit ourselves against one another, standing in our respective corners talking shit.  It’s no fucking wonder we are a sociological minority- we’re too busy drawing lines and throwing stones to start a revolution.  One where we might benefit from equality.

And then when one of our young sisters posts a vlog about making responsible choices and respecting others- we call her naive and slutty.  When a women struggles with an eating disorder we ridicule her body, call her disgusting and tell her to go eat a cheeseburger.  When a woman chooses to have sex for pleasure the way plenty of men do, we call her a whore and tell her she deserves whatever mistreatment she receives.  And when one of our own is a victim of a violent sex crime, we want to know what did to cause to her attack.

But I also know we carry around all these stones because we’ve been throwing them in our own mirrors our whole lives.

We learned to hate each other as we learned to hate ourselves. The ridiculous “perfect body having, home-maker, career woman, perfect mother, supportive wife, educated but not too outspoken or opinionated, eternally young, sexual but not whorish, experienced but not ‘used up’, Madonna-whore, etiquette using, pushover” we are supposed to be, started it.  But honestly, fuck that.  There are a lot of ways to be one hell of a woman.  And none of us will ever accomplish the perfect blend of all the bullshit.

I’ve said it 1,000 times; like yourself enough to like each other.   It’s pretty remarkable  how hateful we can be to one another, a phenomenon that is only matched by how amazing it is when we are for each other.  You don’t have to agree with anyone else’s choices to respect their right to make them.  And for goodness sake you don’t have to spew hatred at others because of it either.

We will always fail to meet the impossible standards placed before us.  But we don’t have to fail each other.  We are on the same team.

xoxo, Mama

Ok, so sometimes I have harsh titles.  But it makes you fucking look.  Perhaps you are not one of these people.  If you are I am not mocking you or hoping your resolutions fail.  To the contrary we are less than a week into the new year, so hopefully if you are making any of these mistakes you can fix it NOW!  It’s way to early to throw in the towel for the year because you maybe got a false start.  So here are what I feel are the major factors in losing your battle with healthy weight loss for new years or any time.

1. You are sometime-y.

Sometimes you workout and eat healthy foods.  Sometimes you just won’t.  You get super pumped around resolution time and it fades quickly.  Perhaps everytime you have an important event coming up you “go on a diet” only to dive straight into every pizza you can find as soon as it’s over.  This is clearly an ineffective plan.  Speaking of plans…

2. You don’t have a plan

Fail to plan, plan to be making the same resolution next year.

3. You don’t know what you are doing

Even if you have a plan, all plans are not created equal.  When I tried to lose weight in the past it never worked because I didn’t actually know anything about working out effectively.  Hell, I thought salad doused in ceasar or ranch was health food.  (It’s not).  You may think you “know all this stuff” but if you haven’t successfully met a health goal in the past I’m willing to bet you don’t.  Which is more than understandable as there is an incredible amount of completely bogus info out there.  Rather you seek out someone like me or go read some books you are going to need to have some knowledge dropped on ya…

4. You aren’t setting specific small goals

Lose 20lbs is a lovely goal except it has zero direction.  If you have the #3 problem your first goal should be to learn some shit.  Make that goal 1.  Implement such knowledge goal 2.  More specifically: “I will work on ______ with food and _________ with exercise this week.”  Specific.  Small.  Build on it.

5.  You expect that everyone around you is going to rally together and get healthy with you

The deal is it’s highly likely that most of the people you know probably wish they had more motivation to get healthy and lose weight.  None of those people are going to be the ones rooting you on when you don’t want to get off the couch.  You have to commit to yourself.  And then do it again.  Over and over and over.  If you have an awesome friend that wants to do this with you that is rad.  But this HAS to be about you.  Your friend can’t be the reason you fail.  That’s not fair to either of you.

6.  You can’t stand your fat ass anymore.

I’m not calling you fat holmes.  I’m talking that’s what YOU are saying to YOU.  I get being fed up with your body.  I completely get that.  But I have never in my life seen anyone become healthier because they hated themselves.  I’ve seen people lose a lot of weight and gain it back… that’s pretty much it.  I know it’s not easy.  Start small with something you already dig.  Even if it’s your earlobes.  And work at getting alright with you.  At least to the point that you want to do nice things for your body because it feels good.  But coming from a place of self hatred does not a successful goal make.

You have probably seen my posts about new years resolutions.  I don’t like them because I hate all the self loathing and putting off of healthy things I see people do Oct-Dec, throwing in the towel on another year and waiting for a magic midnight to set personal goals.  That said, I LOVE ME SOME GOALS!! Anytime is a good time for a goal.  So here we are.  You really can make this the healthiest year of your life.  It’s totally up to you.  Let’s do it right.

As always let me know if I can help.

xoxo,  Mama

My recent posts have drawn a lot of attention and controversy.  Most of which suggest that I don’t understand a larger picture.  However not addressing every feminist issue in a post about Victoria’s Secret models does not mean I’m short-sighted.

As women we are the numerical majority in a country that is no stranger to oppressed people rising together and making change.  And yet we are still an oppressed minority.

When I say “Victoria’s Secret is not responsible for your body image” I don’t mean it doesn’t impact it.  I also don’t mean that you are a shitty, bitter person if it does.  I responded in anger.  Because what I was seeing in posts was women attacking women.  Not the beauty myth.  Not the company.  Not marketing.  But other women.

When I say they aren’t responsible for your body image I’m attacking the power we as individuals attach to it.  I don’t know how to dismantle all the messages we receive from the cradle on that we aren’t good enough.  It’s a really loud message.  It comes from everywhere.  Nothing we do matters unless we do it while living up to a very narrow beauty ideal.  Models are also women.  I’d be shocked if most of them haven’t at some point if not regularly felt terrible about their appearance and subsequently their worth due to these same messages.

This is a very profitable ideal.  And we buy it.  We buy the new American lifestyle of food that isn’t food and overwhelming inactivity.  We counteract this with diet pills, disordered eating (different from eating disorders but damn it I can only take on so much here in one post) and most recently drastic caloric restrictions along with a daily hormone injection.  *How’s that for touching on a lot at once.*  I don’t say this to put us down.  You aren’t stupid if you are buying into this stuff.  I’m merely expounding ever so slightly on the macro issues that contribute to our current state and illustrating that there are a lot of shareholders in this.  Lots and lots of people literally buy stock in our low self esteems.

So I’m saying fuck that.  Not the models.  Not Victoria’s Secret.  Not diet pills.  Fuck the idea that you aren’t good enough.  Fuck the idea that you aren’t beautiful enough.  Fuck the idea that you aren’t enough.  You are enough. Exactly as you are.

Is it easier said than done?  Yes.  But some how I went from suicidal notions over my body and deeply rooted jealousy toward anyone I felt “measured up” more than me to a grounding sense of self worth in every aspect of my person.  Including beauty.

I did this by deciding I was good enough.  As I was.  The rest of that journey involved testing my physical limitations and surpassing them.  Measuring my body by improvements in strength and performance which makes me feel strong and not by comparisons to magazines.  And I didn’t suddenly start waiving the “you are good enough” flag after I lost 100lbs.  This has been my soap box for many years, I just finally got through to myself.  I could see so clearly that all the other women were good enough.  I needed to believe that I was.  And from there I was able to finally treat my body, my life, my relationships and my goals with the care and compassion of someone who believes that deserve great things.

I have bad days.  Sometimes I feel weak or self conscious.  But if I can’t control the message I can control my perspective.  And that is something I choose, everyday.

It is my opinion that this issue is the most divisive thing between women.  It’s why we overwhelmingly show no compassion for women with eating disorders.  Why we size each other up.  Why women in troves ran to the message boards calling the complete strangers disgusting, too thin, unhealthy and not worthy of attention.  And why we look at each other as though we are at war.

We are on the same team.

Yes.  This shit is bigger than self esteem but it’s a hell of a place to start.  The beauty myth only works to the extent that we agree with it.  If we collectively disagree, if we support each other instead of systematically tear each other down, if we all decide we are worthy by any and every standard; perhaps we could not only walk a little taller and experience a great sense of community but we could begin to dismantle the big stuff.  Patriarchy.  Glass ceilings.  Big stuff.

Wherever you see big issues that effect women’s well being I see the huge obstacle that we don’t like ourselves or each other right now enough to find the solidarity to fight it.

I want to fight the big stuff.  I don’t have all the answers, just what I feel is the first step.  Valuing ourselves and each other.  Rejecting notions that we aren’t enough or that our worth boils down to our cup size.  And leading by example that our weight is not the enemy and neither is another woman’s.

Because again, while I think little girls are definitely impacted by images and messages of beauty that saturate our culture the most powerful one comes from their Mothers buying it.

And it’s with careful consideration and a lot of love that I say that.  That’s big and heavy if you carry it around.  But it could also give you some relief that we have some power in this as well.  Big power.  That we can change ourselves and the messages we send our children without waiting for lingerie stores to follow suit.  And we can do that without discounting one another’s humanity, realness, size or beauty.

So I let you in on the secret.  I’m not a personal trainer because I take great joy in watching women’s stomachs get flatter.  It’s because I take great joy in helping people get healthier: in body, mind and spirit.

And in my opinion, a strong Mother’s example is a pretty powerful weapon.  Can you imagine if we realized we were on the same team?

Note from Mama:  This is a guest post written by a co-worker and friend:

So The other day I read a fit mama training’s blog about “Why Women Love to Hate Victoria’s Secret Models.” Her post talks about the Victorias Secret fashion show and the mildly venomous posts she saw on facebook regarding the models. This of course got the comment section rolling, which is awesome. I love a good debate. Still, at the core of it was the message; love yourself, and quit paying attention to what everyone else is doing.
I want to offer a male perspective on what’s hot. Because what it came down to in my eyes was either people loving the post or taking offense to the models, the industry the patriarchy, your mothers dog. What I’m saying is people were getting a little salty, and the issues that were being raised could take a lifetime to debate. What wasn’t getting any attention was swag. For those of you who don’t listen to Lil Wayne ASAP Rocky and the like, swag is short for swagger. It’s something that is hard to define as each persons swag is different, but when you’ve got it you know it.

For my cream I cook some of the best food in town, meaning I’m in the trenches on the line 40 hours a week. that kind of boiler room atmosphere breeds some of the crudest conversations this side of… hell nowhere. We often joke that if we ever had a reality television show we’d never get a date again. All the talk, bad jokes and 101 different names for genitals aside, we’re probably more real with each other than most guys. You have to be, if you’re going to walk through hell together. That’s why I’m an authority on what’s hot. You won’t find us throwin’ up the #realtalk tag to often on the line, rather it comes out shyly after a beer or two. When we’re done bumping chests and trying to prove who’s got bigger teeth.

But enough about me, lets talk about that swag. I don’t know a single guy who really gives a single what about a jean size. It never comes up. No one is comparing a girls waist to what we see in magazines. Sure we’re gonna talk about how smokin hot the idea of that girl in the mag is, but it’s just talk. Talk that’s forgotten the minute the conversation changes. The women we love are some of hottest girls we’ve ever met and they wouldn’t be caught in a VS line up. Nor would we want that. What makes each girl hot is unique to her, but it has little to do with the stats and so much more with how she carries what she’s got. When she walks, you know, she knows she’s bad. Head up shoulders straight, looks us in the eye. Let go of the insecurities socialization has crammed down your throat. I know it’s a hard thing to do. believe me. As a 5’2 male I’ve had to get rid of a few myself. I got my swag on lock though. Seriously though, You’ve got the body you’ve got, and where ever you are, there you are. Time to start loving that body. When you love yourself and are comfortable in the physical, it shows and it’s hot. I don’t want to be with someone who I’m constantly trying to build up. I want someone on my level. I got mad swag, I want my girl to be my equal.

I like curves, but I don’t need them to conform to a set of predetermined values. Bottom line, What makes you sexy is your mind, or soul if you will. If you’re a beautiful person, I want to know you. If you believe in yourself it shows. While everyone else is wining and crying about why they’re not perfect, I’ll be that trill guy watching for the girl who knows she’s awesome. If you don’t respect yourself no one else will.

A small aside on the VS girls, they are hot. They have swag. See the way they walk? confidant. Thing is, I don’t know any of them, I don’t know what their personality is like. Sure they’re hot, but I’m not thinking about them when I dream of the girl for me. I’m thinking about a girl here in town who’s confidant, tough, sensitive, beautiful, accomplished, dreams, and has the surest step around. I’m so smitten and she doesn’t even know it. Why? Cause of that Swag.

Note from Mama: I didn’t write about the Victoria’s Secret models because I am solely an advocate for thinness and thin people.  I wrote about it because I’m an advocate for women (small, medium, large, extra juicy, all of your beautiful asses) loving themselves and respecting each other.  I took on Rush Limbaugh (and the media) when he spoke about Michelle Obama’s body here.  I write about loving your imperfections. And as someone who has spent the vast majority of my life obese, being “oinked” at, called names and hating myself for not falling into a narrow idea of what beauty is– I understand the backlash when I suggest we not attack the models.  What I’m getting at is that hating each other is missing the point.  Masking jealousy with feigned concern doesn’t help.  Calling another woman’s body disgusting doesn’t help.  Literally; I wanted to kill myself in preschool because I thought I was fat.  And I lived through one of the closest people to me vanishing in spirit and in physical body to an eating disorder.  I am sensitive to all sides of this issue.  But to me there is one side– loving yourself enough to love others.  Claiming your beauty.  Owning it.  And not wasting any of your precious, intelligent, beautiful self on throwing stones.  When you look across this “battle field” of women and appreciate another’s perspective you will see that we all needlessly struggle with this.   Here is but one very important perspective.

This post is written by someone very close to me.  She has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy and to avoid more of scrutiny addressed herein.
(Motivated by “Why women love to hate Victoria’s Secret models”)

When you see a sexy, size 2 Victoria’s Secret model strutting across the stage wearing a few inches of luxurious fabric, how do you feel? Do you feel bad about yourself? Do you resent them? Are you jealous of them?

Maybe you soothe your insecurities and body image issues by saying, “They (Victoria’s Secret models) aren’t real women.”

Why? Because they are fit? Thin? Have amazing bone structure? Because some of them (not all) have an unhealthy lifestyle?

Victoria’s Secret models do live extraordinary lives. The average woman does not work out with a trainer for hours each day. The average woman does not have professional makeup and hair done before work. But these women do, and as Fit Mama said, they are very real. They may not be “average,” but the are real. “They have real vaginas that bleed just like yours and mine” (Fit Mama).

To say that they aren’t real is just plain wrong. We are talking about models, not the Easter Bunny. And attributing their size to eating disorders is not only ignorant but offensive to anyone who has struggled with an ED.

I am a real woman. I struggled with anorexia and bulimia for three years. At my lightest, my 5’7″ frame weighed 102 pounds. I did NOT look like the Victoria’s Secret models. I did not have muscle definition or any trace of boobs. I did not have enough caloric energy to even think about doing their workouts. And most importantly, my eating disorder had little to do with my desire to be skinny. It is SO much more complicated than that.

An eating disorder is an addiction. Treatment is similar to other addictions — alcoholism, drug addiction, etc. You can make the argument that society and thin models contribute to eating disorders, and while I agree that thin images in the media aggravate the issue, it certainly wasn’t a Victoria’s Secret model that made me throw up after every meal or restrict my calories to 250 each day. My brain was sick and not processing trauma I had endured in a healthy way.

You do not see someone drinking a beer and deem them an alcoholic. If you’ve ever been close to an alcoholic, you know it is a disease that should not be taken lightly. It can destroy — and end — lives.

So can eating disorders.

It hurts me that we label thin people as having eating disorders without thinking twice about it … that we reduce this very serious sickness to that … and that the hardest battle I have ever fought (and continue to fight) is discussed by other women in a hateful tone, without compassion toward me and countless others who are fighting the same battle.

Even if the VS models were to blame for my addiction, there are helpful and harmful ways to “help” someone like me.

Helpful:

“I care about you. I really think you should seek professional help.”
“You deserve to be happy.”
“I am proud of you for making progress.”

Harmful:

“You are too skinny.”
“Here, eat this.”
“Aren’t you going to eat anything else?”
“Stop losing weight.”

I have never been scrutinized by women so much as when I struggled with my eating disorder. Women, even some friends, were hateful toward me. They were jealous of my eating disorder. They compared their plates to mine and hated themselves for eating the cupcake when I had two bites of a salad. Though they may never admit it, I know it is true. They wanted to be thin and because I was thin they resented me.

If they knew what it was really like, I know they would be anything but jealous. It is not a glamorous disease. It contaminates all your thoughts and effects every aspect of your life. I was at my weakest point, hating myself more than ever, and constantly being judged and criticized by other women.

Kicking a woman when she is down does not help anything.

I cannot count how many times I was told — ALWAYS by a woman — to eat more, to stop losing weight, that I was too skinny. Do you tell a woman she is too fat? I hope not. It is no different to tell a woman she is too thin.

Perhaps this is why the first two therapists I went to did not help me. They were women. I’m sure they were wonderful women and they did not judge me but I was so used to females scrutinizing me that I did not feel comfortable even with these smart, educated and compassionate women.

It was a man who helped me. Who showed me that my disease was a result of things outside my control. And he showed me that only I could control my future. Only I can determine my happiness.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that instead of looking at a woman who is unhealthy and thin and feeling anger, we should feel compassion. When you see a morbidly obese woman who cannot rise out of bed, I’m sure you do not resent her. You probably feel compassion. Hey, guess what — that morbidly obese woman has an eating disorder too. And the cause of her eating disorder might be the same as the cause of the thin model’s eating disorder. Eating disorders are all treated the same. Even though the outside looks different, the root of the problem is the same.

And when you see a woman who is thin, but FIT, like several of the Victoria’s Secret models, you shouldn’t resent her, either. You should celebrate her. Because she, like you, is a REAL woman, and she looks fucking hot. She worked her ass off to look that way — kudos to her! She is a strong, successful, gorgeous WOMAN. And she is real. For that, she should be celebrated.