My most dramatic, life altering changes have come from falling madly in love with my husband, committing my life to him and becoming a mother. Everything I have done since then has been in all or in part inspired by my commitment to being better for them.
Running has provided a different kind of change for me. It has become a kind of therapy I’ve never experienced anything quite like before. Once I get over the initial groans of putting one foot in front of the other I get into a groove and can either clear my head completely or delve deep into thought, depending on what my day and mood needs most. Many days it provides some respite from the daily stressors of my life; my angel’s two-year-old tantrums, burning dinner or any of the other minor catastrophes a typical day entails. Some days I stumble upon some kind of epiphany I wasn’t expecting.
This particular day I was out on a long run while preparing for my half marathon. This goal for me was lofty. When I signed up for it I was terrified and had to will myself to click the button to register. The training schedule was daunting. Ten miles? How would I ever go ten miles?!? So I was out for a long run on an “out and back” track (meaning I would go half the distance away from my house and then have to run the rest of the distance back). I was in the home stretch and in “the zone.” At this point there was no turning around and while I could feel the aching in my body I was also feeling its strength.
I was nearing a busy stoplight downtown and was only slightly aware of the traffic on the street beside me when I heard a man screaming from a vehicle. It took a minute for it to register that he was yelling at me. I was so focused on what I was accomplishing, putting one foot in front of the other, bettering myself with each one and BAM! Dumb ass in a car full of dudes is picking on me.
It was like a rude awakening from my personal trance of nearing victory. I look over to see some dumb guy pushing his entire body out of the passenger car window yelling some god awful phrases at me. I can’t tell you exactly what he said but it had something to do with me and anal sex… really?!? Really that guy? I’d like to think if I had more energy in this moment I would have yelled some awesome witty thing back at him that would have shut him up and made him ashamed of himself; but the truth is I’m one of those people who only thinks of those awesome things to say long after the moment is gone. I kept running and was only able to muster the ability to look in his direction with a confused look on my face.
Then he was gone. The traffic kept coming and I continued running.
I realized I have had this moment in my life before. Many times. Just a few months prior I had been out on a jog with the jogger stroller and someone yelled something nasty about my weight at me. I mustered the courage to continue jogging around the corner and then walked home, in tears.
It has also happened on a grander scale in my life; here I was, accomplishing something big for me, and out of nowhere comes some person who means nothing to me at all to put me down (or whatever the intent was of the ridiculous comments). In the past I have listened to those outside voices and taken them on. I have always heard the criticism louder than the encouragement and even used it as a crutch to point to later… “I was doing so good and then (fill in the blank) happened and I couldn’t go on.” This day, I kept running.
I probably wouldn’t have remembered anything about this silly encounter if it hadn’t been for the epiphany. I had been running for 8 miles along busy streets. I had run by hundreds of cars. Most of the people in them probably didn’t see me. Some of them had probably thought what I often think when I see people out running: “good for her” or “I should get out there and do that!” Most of them had probably thought nothing at all. All those people stand indifferent or in silent support of me — and here this jerkface was the one who stood out — the one who wanted to make a scene and yell obscenities.
It’s runs like this where a small chance encounter makes some sense of the greater world. Who was that guy? Perhaps he was a prophet sent to teach me a lesson (HA), or maybe he was just a little drunk already, but why would the “opinion” or actions of someone who would do such a lame thing get me down? Why should it matter? And why don’t all the silent supporters matter more?
One of my favorite quotes about other people’s opinions is:
“You wouldn’t worry what people thought of you if you knew how seldom they do.”
It’s true. In general, other people’s opinions of you have more to do with how they feel about themselves than how they feel about you, and they are spending so much more time preoccupied with themselves to sit around really judging you. And so what if they do? SO what if the “yell-out-the-window” guys in life don’t think nice things about you? SO WHAT?!?!?
Just keep running. Other people do not stand between you and your goals any more than you stand between them and theirs. You get to decide that. One foot in front of the other, just keep running.
Last night a friend hipped me to the “Shit my Dad says” Twitter account. ( @shitmydadsays ) and one of the quips stood out and inspired this post. It is perhaps the most difficult to argue with analogy ever. He said:
“Don’t focus on the guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit.”
Read that three times. And then read it again.
So the next time some idiot, well meaning friend, mean spirited co-worker or anyone puts you down, or appears to stand between you and your goal — even if that goal is to sit and quietly enjoy a freakin’ cup of coffee — think of all the silent supporters of who you are, think of a compliment, compliment YOURSELF or just think of nothing at all. Keep marching toward your goal no matter how big or small, and whatever you do, don’t set up your picnic next to that shit.
I’m so excited for you and this endeavor Erin. You really are an inspiration! I’m looking forward to more good words from fitmamatraining!