motivators

So I have lost weight before. But never this much, in a healthy manner or this successfully. There are several differences this time but I think the most notable is my motivation.

I have had lots of motivations leading me to try “crazy” diets and ill-advised exercise programs, including looking cute, because I would be a happier person, because everything else would be fine in my life if I were only thin and my favorite because “I’m gonna show that boyfriend/ ex-boyfriend/ guy who doesn’t know I exist!”

What was I going to “show” him? And what would that do?

Now I’m not saying that looking cute isn’t a fine motivator, or if you really want to “show” someone you can do it, I suppose that’s fine too. But to make the kinds of significant life changes that the kind of transformation I wanted to make entails you will be a lot more successful if you’re motivated by something a bit deeper.

Like being healthier, living longer, feeling stronger.

While all of those things have made me a happier person, none of those were my motivator. In August of 2008 I had a baby girl. I was terrified of passing on, not my issues with weight, but my subsequent issues with myself. I know as her same-sex parent I am her primary role model. And that most young girls immulate their mother’s respective body image/self-image issues. I was determined not to pass this on. I did not want to contribute to the many messages she will already be receiving from the media, peers, everywhere about how she is supposed to be/look/feel.

I also didn’t want to be the mom that encourages only eating salads, or eyes the last bite on my baby’s plate and asks “Do you really need that?” So I decided the only way to help counteract the negative messages she will surely receive is to set a positive example. Not just by demonstrating confidence, but by living healthfully. In my house we eat healthy, we keep our bodies in motion and we celebrate what they can do not how they look.

Now my baby trapes around the house with my headphones, workout journal and dragging my gym bag. She loves to go to the gym daycare, and she likes to look around when it’s time to go and watch everyone on the machines. She can hardly wait to hop in her jogger stroller when I drag it out for a run. And (my mini trainer) likes to holler if I slow down.

I’m proud of what I have accomplished for myself, but I hope the lasting impact is bigger, and that someday she will want to join me.

So whatever your motivations are, possibly take a moment and think a bit deeper. If you lose the weight, you won’t change. It’s the work you put in that changes you. And to put in the work you have to pull from somewhere deep inside you. Take a ponder.