So the Victoria’s Secret fashion sh0w was tonight. I didn’t watch it. Not on some principle I just didn’t know it was on. And it’s honestly something I’m not into. But I do “watch” facebook and it was blowing UP with women. Only women. Talking about the models.
Some of them said they were attractive. Mostly they said they were too skinny and not real. *To be fair to my friends, the comments that sent me to the keyboard were all people I don’t know on friend’s walls… I’m not picking on you.*
THOSE WOMEN ARE REAL. They are real women. Real live women. They have real vaginas that bleed just like yours and mine. They get mood swings and sometimes have too many feelings. They have been heart broken, elated, suffered loss, discomfort and great joy. They are someone’s baby, sister, lover, wife and some may be someone’s Mama.
It is possible that some of them did unhealthy things to be as small as I’m sure they are required to be for that show. But I’m sure you know MANY people who do unhealthy things to their bodies on a regular basis. Hell, you have probably done really unhealthy things to your body. Not to mention to become obese usually requires doing really unhealthy things to one’s body but this does not send most “on-looking” women into an uproar.
Hating on these chicks is about our own insecurities. Period. And you can tell me until you are blue in the face that you don’t want to look like them, that you want to look “real.” But again, “how you feel about me is between you and your self esteem!”
When you feel good about you, you don’t attack others.
Now I’m not saying we are all supposed to look like that. I know there are little girls watching this who now feel badly because they don’t look like those women. I have been the girl looking at pictures of women like that in magazines and hating myself. But little girls don’t have to look to the runway to learn to hate their bodies. The much more powerful message comes from the women around them. The women in their homes, in their families and in their lives.
You are the teacher. Not the lingerie store. They sell fantasy. HELLO, it’s a lingerie store. You know damn well lingerie is for catching a mate and keeping them in a good mood, not for your everyday run to the grocer. That’s what the granny draws are for. I mean, uh… what are we talking about?
Victoria’s secret is not responsible for your body image. Victoria’s secret women are real people. And while I’m sure they aren’t at home right now boo-hoo-ing because women across the world are all hating on them right now, that doesn’t make it right.
Can you imagine men doing this? A bunch of grown ass men running to the message boards like, “Did you see that dudes abs? Totally unrealistic.” Men don’t do this. They also don’t have eating disorders at shockingly high rates. They aren’t near as likely to kill themselves to be a particular size for aesthetics. And I think that has MUCH more to do with the fact that they aren’t busy hating themselves and each other than it has to do with a panty store.
Do I think it would be totally rad for brands like this to represent more flavors from the vast spectrum of what is a beautiful woman. Oh God yes. I’d like to see more cultures, subcultures, body types, ages… because damn it women are beautiful. Unfortunately they have chosen to represent a very narrow demographic. But that doesn’t mean those women aren’t beautiful.
If some of them did unhealthy things to look the way they did tonight, I hope they make healthy choices in the future. I in no way condone abusing your body in any way. I also hope you make healthy choices in your future. But I think it’s a little wack that we all jump on the super-health band wagon when it means we get to hate on other women and not when it comes to our own dinner choices and exercise programs (or lack there of).
Bottom line; I think calling thin women “unreal” is shitty. Lifting yourself up doesn’t have to come from putting others down. And if you are concerned about the messages the media sends to girls, perhaps you should consider the one that comes from your own mouth first. And it would be way awesome if that message wasn’t to verbally abuse those who make you feel insecure.
You are totally beautiful. Don’t be an asshole.
Bam.
THANK YOU. We are all real women. Judging each other and turning on each other, whether it’s fat hate, thin hate, or concern-trolling either or both, serves no one well. Not gonna lie, I have days when I struggle with judgmental tendencies – being aware and trying to improve can only make me a better person, better friend, and better model for the young women and girls in my life. So thank you for the inspiring words and the gut check, because I think most of us need it!
xoxo!
Well said. I think most women forget that these models are a huge minority. The general population does not look like this. These women are chosen because they have a certain body type. To compare yourself to somebody like that is just plain silly.
Having been part of the modeling industry, I’m well aware of what some of those girls do to get to the weight that they are in these shows. But that said, how can any of us point fingers when many of us are just as unhealthy? We blame them for starving themselves and giving young girls a terrible example. But what about those 3 quarter pounders you downed before you got the car into the driveway? What about the extra weight you are carrying around? Isn’t that the same exact thing? On other ends of the spectrum perhaps, but almost exactly the same thing. Unhealthy is unhealthy, regardless of how you get there.
It’s about the choices you make every day about what you put into your mouth and how much you move. Pointing fingers is a complete waste of time and says way more about the person pointing the finger than the person they are pointing at.
I really like what you have to say here! It makes perfect sense. I think there is another topic that’s along the same lines, and that’s when some people say, “big is beautiful.” I think that is as dangerous as putting down a woman for being thin and beautiful or starving yourself to be thin and beautiful. Big isn’t something to be ashamed of, but it IS dangerous. I guess, “Moderation is beautiful” doesn’t have the same ring to it. But either way, promoting extreme thinness or largeness both are dangerous. Anyway, I hope that makes sense and I like your article.
I understand what you mean. At the same time, unless you are literally trying to stage an intervention because someone in your life has a legit problem- why worry about someone else’s size? I think big is beautiful. And small. And every size in between. I’m more concerned that we all learn to love ourselves enough not to need to attack each other than I am that we all settle on a better ideal. Because each persons ideal is different and what is healthy on each persons body is different too.
It’s easy to point fingers at the media for eating disorders. And I believe that the media is a contributing factor, but it certainly is not the main one. At all. So many other things contribute to it and the media is just one of the straws in the hay bale.
I personally love Victoria’s Secret. I love the smell of their store and I love that when I slip something of theirs on, I feel sexy (TMI?)
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, ROCK ON! And I don’t hate the models either. When I see strong, beautiful women, I don’t hate them (though I used to). I am inspired by them.
Big small whatever, You’ve got to be comfortable with yourself. If you’re comfortable with yourself then you are more inclined to take care of the body you have. Maybe it will even lead to a healthy life style that encourages the shape you really want. I have a friend who gets the catalog and every time it comes out she sits there and reads through the whole damn thing and hates herself for not being like them. She also knows every models name. It makes me sad. She’s super beautiful. Also, Who knows the models names????
Your second to last line says it all. Well done =]
You’ve hit the ball out the park! Incrdieble!
And yet they still have time to make sandwiches and push out babies. Fantastic.
Great article! Thanks!!
While I agree with you for the most part, I think it’s unfair to compare what men do and what women do. It’s much more acceptable for a guy to be “chubby” or even fat in our society. Men don’t have to wear tight clothes to fit in, and fat guys are often the “funny guy” in their group of friends. Of course they don’t hate on themselves and each other for their bodies; they’re “allowed” to be bigger. Women are programmed to dislike their bodies and men are not. You can’t blame us entirely for what society has groomed us to be.
maybe you shouldn’t blindly follow society like a sheep and make your own rules. All I’m saying is that only YOU are in charge of your opinions and feelings about anything, this is no different. You can’t blame the way you look at the world on someone else.
The Majority of “Real Women” in America and around the world can’t afford personal trainers, Majority of “Real Women” don’t have personal chefs, Majority of “Real Women” in America don’t have the kind of money and time that the VS models do.
The VS models are beautiful don’t get me wrong, but why don’t companies or fashion shows have different size of girls? I’m not hating on tall and skinny people, but give the average size american girl a chance (Average size is atleast 5’4-5’5 weighing more than 125). I think VS should show ALL REAL WOMEN. Including mom’s who actually work hard everyday, especially with this type of economy right now.
Also, remind yourself if people in Magazines and Celebrities are actually “real”. There is a huge difference between celebrity and model life, than the average american middle class life. I believe that the average american middle class life is more realisitc in this world, rather than the minority group of celebrities and models.
They use those women because the clothing (to the fashion industry) looks more flattering/sells better on that kind of model. And there are TONS of other companies starting to use plus size models. Even if they all do have personal trainers, there are those of us “real women” who have no money and still manage a thin and fit body- there is no excuse.
what an amazing post! and soo entertaining
totally agree with what you said but unfortunately articles like that are not found very often. happy to have found your blog!
WHAT A FABULOUS PERSPECTIVE!!! I actually wrote about the whole VS Show and how I felt that it was insane that women are bashing themselves over these women. I didn’t write it from your perspective, which I really, truly enjoyed. Women are always belittling others…and it’s because of the way we’ve been trained to think. Such a major emphasis on physique and beauty has really tainted our self esteems. It’s really sad. While I think VS models are absolutely gorgeous and, in my opinion, too thin, they ARE real. They have feelings (which I tried to address in my post). It’s the MODELING industry that is putting an emphasis on one particular body type…and the only way to start revitalizing this shitty problem is to start incorporating more body types and some character. (Which is why I loved that they highlighted that Adriana boxes.) Character goes a long way, and I think it would fabulous if they started focusing more on who these women are rather than JUST their bodies…then maybe, just maybe, average women will stop focusing on JUST their bodies, too.
Hahahaha this is my favourite post ever. I agree! I think they are fit and gorgeous and I actually, for one, feel sexy watching them strut their stuff! Your tag line is awesome. Thanks for the great post.
You don’t need a personal chef or personal trainer to be happy with your body. You don’t have to look like a Victoria’s Secret model to appreciate another woman’s beauty. I am FOR women loving themselves and respecting each other (even models, damn it) and I am AGAINST bashing other women for their bodies. Plain and simple. I’m not a celebrity and struggle to keep my lights on to be honest but I lost 100lbs with primarily resources from my public library. At home. I had 5lb dumbbells. I ate a lot more vegetables. I cooked them myself. I’m sorry to say it but I find that to be an excuse us “non celebrity” gals give ourselves for not taking care of our bodies, bc we can’t have a team of people to do it for us. That said, my bottom line is I see ZERO value in picking apart others’ bodies. I made the point about men not doing that bc it just sounds ridiculous when it’s put that way. But I wrote a whole post about that. Check out: The Sad and Hopeful Truth About Women in your right sidebar. I said a lot more there. But regardless of how we got here we will continue to oppress ourselves with the beauty myth as long as we accept bashing each other in order to lift up ourselves.
Interesting. I didn’t know it was on either and besides your post the only other things that showed up in my feeds were from men. A friend of mine was hired to provide entertainment for the models a couple of years ago and didn’t make it to the live show because he was just too racy/rude. He told me the story and the lack of laughter from the models (I thought it was hilarious). Models are people too, they just tend to be a lot taller than me.
ah, i completely agree with your points, they ARE real women! and yes, they are all women who fit a very certain aesthetic type, but thats the point of runway shows. these women are walking mannequins, the point is the CLOTHING. and furthermore there ARE runway shows that involve women of all colors and sizes, it just happens that the victoria secret show wasnt one of them. i bet NO ONE watching a runway show of ALL plus size models is yelling about them showing “all sizes” and “real women” even though its the same thing, women of ONE aesthetic type.
i would also like to say that i completely agree with you when you are talking about not needing to be a “celebrity” or rich to look good (the personal chef and trainer comment). oooo girl, im so poor its terrifying but i still manage to be thin and tall(ish). thats called GENETICS. well, sometimes it is. sometimes its because the woman in question has a crazy high metabolism, sometimes its because she EATS RIGHT and EXERCISES and DOESNT abuse her body with preservatives, sugar, alcohol or ciggarettes, and sometimes its because she is busy throwing up all of her food. the point is that you dont KNOW. they ARE all real women and they all come from different places and different lives, judging them on their appearance alone is JUST AS BAD AS THE INDUSTRY YOU ARE BASHING.
im not really sure how i feel about the idea that men dont do this too….i think they do, but they do it in different ways. men dont tear each other down over their bodies as much as women (but dont ever think that they straight DONT because ive seen it happen) but they have pissing contests all the time. who has got a bigger truck? who has got a prettier wife? who has a bigger, thicker dick? who can throw the football farther? human beings compete with each other….sorry for the news flash but thats how we got to where we are now, the top of the food chain, by competing, by NEEDING to not just keep up with the Jones’ but being BETTER than them. that whole survival of the fittest thing is a TOTAL competition, women just have a more specialized competition, despite it being petty and stupid.
and one last rant- fuck ALL of you that think that women who are that tall and thin are all unhealthy! i am someone that has been very thin and lanky my WHOLE life despite covering EVERYTHING in gravy and cheese, despite sitting on my ass all day smoking pot and drinking wine on my days off. im a real mother fucking woman and it has NOTHING to do with my size. my size is not how i define myself and it should not be how ANYONE defines me. if you are pissed off that you arent as skinny as you want to be then do something about it, exercise, eat more fresh and raw veggies, whole grains, lean meats (if any), and STOP HATING OTHER WOMEN because they look different from you! it wont make you any more like a VC model and it sure makes you one hell of a hypocrite.
BAM.
YES. You go girl!
I don’t even know where to begin. I appreciate this dialogue. I appreciate the comments.
Great article. Loved it. Those models work hard to get where they are, and it’s their job to look good– so I understand that they will be the peak example of a woman’s body.
Personally, and I’m sure I’ll get flack for this, I think the women who get pissed about this kind of stuff are jealous. Who are tired and wish they could look like that. You don’t see Heidi Klum or Jennifer Aniston getting pissed off about Victoria’s Secret models. And jealousy is an evil thing.
For me, I use it as a motivator. You’re right, I am probably weighing 30-40 pounds more than those models, but I also know I am not keeping the best diet and I don’t work out as hard as they do. So instead of blaming them for how they look, I instead tack their pictures up on my motivation board on Pinterest and go eat a salad. Their bodies don’t make me hate myself, they make me realize that I could be doing a hell of a lot better in my own life.
I love your attitude. My best friend has a 13 year old stepdaughter who is skinny as a rail. Her doctor went as far as to say she has an eating disorder because she is so thin. HER DOCTOR. If you look at her family, they all look like her. Could she put on some weight, yes. But her natural body is slight and tall. I’ve seen this girl wolf down a giant burger. She eats! She lives with people making terrible assumptions every day.
It sure would be great if we would all stop judging each other before we know an damn thing. If someone saw me they’d think “oh fatty! she must be lazy and not exercise and stuff her face with shitty food all the time. Uh huh. Must. Cuz she’s fat.” At least, that’s what I’m sure they are thinking. But what they don’t know is my story and what got me to the point where I have 100 lbs that I want to lose. What they don’t know is what I put in my body everyday. What they don’t know is how often and hard I sweat at the gym.
Would I rather look like a VS model than what I look like now? Um, yes. Do I hate my body? Sometimes, but I’m getting better.
I’ve been meaning to comment on this great post for some time but it keeps getting pushed aside. Maybe I’m a weird but I absolutely LOVE the VS show. Of course I missed it this year, but whatever if I see it I watch it and I’m in awe of the models who I think are amazing women.
Not only are they gorgeous, they have curves, and I like how different ethnicity are represented. Granted there could always be more but at least it’s not just one. The show is cleaver and sexy and just over the top. Why hate that? It’s about fantasy, hello!
I’m sure the models have struggles and crazy standards they have to meet but whatever we all do. What I can’t ever get over is how anyone can watch them strut, that strut, and not see they are rock stars! I mean how freaking cool would it be to walk in their shoes for just one show? I’d pass out!
Hel
I am 5 feet 10 and my weight is 145 lbs.So I am healthy but fy family especially my mom always tells me that i am to skinny.It is not fare .I have 3 kids and just take care of myself.Is this so terrible.Also If i am at a party people look if I eat It is as if you have kids you are not allowed to look ok.
I am really glad you made this post because I have been a victim of such accusations. Bigger girls have constantly made fun of me for being “boney” or “too skinny” among other things. Telling me that men prefer more voluptuous women instead of ones like myself with a small frame. Well I think it is rude, unfair, and most of all, unattractive for these women to act and speak this way. Jealousy is the most unattractive picture you can paint on yourself, and that is all I see when these women make comments about women who are more fit or smaller than them.
At any rate, thank you for this post, it is absolutely wonderful! <3
Thank you for writing this! As a thin woman myself, it’s good to see someone stand up for he truth. Women are so jealous of each other.
I have been told I’m too thin many times, but it’s funny how it always comes from very large women. My question is, how is this ok but it’s not ok to say to a woman, you’re too fAt??