Becoming who you are
Nugget: As I continue shedding things (mantras, life-scripts, relationships, actual stuff) that no longer serve me, I find myself with a deliciously smaller life. Within the smallness of holding onto only what I value there is suddenly room for massive expansion. Its damn beautiful.
Marinate on it:
Letting go of the life script that I was unworthy because of my appearance allowed me to finally care for myself in a positive way. I found I was worthy of my time, respect and love. It brought me back home in my body and I began to treat it like one.
Letting go of the notion that I needed to be small allowed me to realize that I was always meant to be big. (I mean figuratively but when my body changes Im not mad at that either). When I stopped trying to be small my voice became unstoppable.
Letting go of my life script to ignore it and it will go away has allowed me to look right in the eye any discomfort and move through it. It allows me to examine myself. It allows space for growth.
When weight loss and appearance stopped being goals for the sake of themselves but rather became the result of self-care I was able to experience vitality. I shed the entire diet industry that felt like was living on my back and began to seek vibrant health because it felt amazing.
Living in this way, choosing the path of self-examination and shedding what doesnt belong anymore is not easy. But its the only way Ive come to find expansion and peace. It has provided me with the keys to all the doors I thought were locked for me. To health, vitality, dealing with addiction, victimhood and insecurity to become the woman I was meant to be. To realize I can keep becoming her as long as Im alive.
Some might argue that this is not the path of least resistance. That to remain the same and keep old patterns is much easier. I disagree. I find that holding on to stuff Im ready to shed, that my soul needs to move on from, is a much bigger struggle than accepting the spiritual assignment and moving through it. Experiencing that kind of growth can come with pains of its own, but it tastes like freedom. To realize and acknowledge that how you have been, how you have shown up in your life or not is within your power to change is freedom.
I have sad stories too. Im open about my life experience but within the context of proving my battles for credibility I dont feel compelled to share. Suffice it to say there are plenty of lifetime movies and after-school specials in my history. I spent years identifying as a victim until I was ready to shed that as well.
I am not just the stories of my experience, Im not even defined by their impact. I am Erin Brown. I am showing up for my life and shedding daily. I willfully lean into discomfort knowing there is freedom and growth in that opportunity. At this point, I dont know any other way to live.
So I shed. I simplify. And I expand.